Sunday, September 27, 2015

Mindful, Write

I am a terrible writer. I don't do any good at all. I have nothing good to offer. I sow confusion and dismay. I should never write again.

I have thoughts such as these. I have thoughts like these and feel like they are good humble thoughts. And I know other writers have similar thoughts.

To simply live as Christians.
To eschew writing and art as being unworthy of the example of Christ.

Do these statements seem humble to you?

They seem like good, humble thoughts when I think them, but when I write them out, they appear stupid, vain, and absurd.

There is nothing worse for a writer than not to write. 

Not writing is not to one's credit. It is an act of supreme judgement of oneself and condescension toward others in that, by not revealing oneself - in not being honest about what one is - one somehow helps them.

I can save no one, and I can damn nobody. 

I can only be who and what I am, to the best of my ability.

What is faith?

To live as oneself in full knowledge and acceptance that one's life belongs to God. Besides that, there are no rules. We know that painting, music, poetry, dance, in all forms past present and future are reflections of the spirit. We know this, and yet we doubt ourselves.

What can I add?

That I am no more inclined toward sorrow for overreaching my station - by doubting myself - than I would be by never questioning my habits, practices, or purpose. Every day is a fresh life and, more than that, every moment. Can we doubt this, who take communion? 

Write, mindful. Trust God.

Lord, give me the strength to make a fool of myself as an artist, or, God willing, to make sense, here and there, as the Spirit allows.